Husband/ Father/ Entrepreneur — in that order
My first major entrepreneurial journey came to an end earlier in 2020, and while I have taken time to rest and reflect, it is clear that the entrepreneurial bug is still very much alive in me.
I have learnt a lot during the time reflecting, and my priorities in life are much clearer now. I believe that putting my relationships with my wife and my kids above the (yet to be started) next company will actually make me a better entrepreneur. My priority order has to be husband/ father/ entrepreneur.
I was not always able to keep that order during my start-up journey with Smove, but I will protect that order going forward. It will keep the relationship with my family healthy, I will be able to be there for them when they need me and it will help me go through the challenging times of entrepreneurship with support from my wife and kids.
For me the goal is to build a more sustainable venture next time around, not just in terms of financial viability but even more so in terms of viability with my life outside the business. An important point to remember is that: Entrepreneurs, you are not your company (more on that in my next blog post) and in order to keep your balance you need to have the right order of priority to live a sustainable life as an entrepreneur.
Husband
I’m thankful to my wife Nadia for all her support during my 9 ½ years of running Smove. Without her I wouldn’t have made it through the really challenging times, but she was also a great advisor (she is way smarter than I am) during the times when Smove was running well.
But honestly, I didn’t always put my relationship with my wife first. Not deliberately, but more like a racehorse that has it’s blinds on and can’t see what is happening left and right.
Now, with more clarity, I see things differently: That you don’t (and shouldn’t) put your company first. A strong and healthy relationship with your partner is the best support to raise your kids together and for your entrepreneurial journey. Not the low-energy, too tired, avoiding tricky conversation type of relationship. It’s showing up for date night with more energy, not replying to calls or emails when you are with your partner, making sure that you show up to listen and be present in the moment.
I have a lot to work on to be a better husband, but I know that this is my priority order to have a meaningful and fulfilling life with my wife that also includes raising two amazing kids and an entrepreneurial story.
And simply speaking — my wife Nadia deserves a husband who is present, not just physically, but also emotionally and energetically.
Father
Running a company sometimes feels like raising a kid; my wife and I sometimes joked that Smove was our 1st child.
When my first (real) daughter Junie was born in 2015 it wasn’t initially an absolute emotional game changer, besides the fact that my nights got much shorter and that I was struggling with a mixed-up sleeping schedule. I always wanted to be a good father, a father who is there for the important but also for the little steps in life.
When our second daughter Nayla was born in 2016, Smove was in the middle of a challenging, yet rewarding scale-up relationship with Uber and I really didn’t know back then how to make more time and energy for a second child. I felt drained and low on energy most of the time, having a young toddler and a baby and hadn’t figured out a way to recharge from both family and work properly.
Following the business-as-a-child analogy from above, Smove as the first-born sometimes felt like a moody teenager with different needs compared to my other children and I struggled to find the right balance when challenges arose.
I guess I got better at it over time with the help of my wife, some entrepreneurial friends and coaches and I have to say my love for my two daughters is endless. Similar to running a start-up, being a parent is also a roller-coaster ride and if you ask a parent/ entrepreneur in any given moment, most of the time the answer would be similar “Exhausted, tired, stressed etc.” But if you asked them if looking back they would change anything, most would certainly answer “No”.
Watching my girls grow up, playing with them and seeing the world through their curious eyes also change my perspective on things and both of them made me a better person and leader.
Simply speaking — my daughters Junie & Nayla deserve a father who is present, not just physically, but also emotionally and energetically.
Entrepreneur
I love being an entrepreneur. I believe you can have a big positive impact in your community or around the world (whatever fits your appetite) by building a company and forming and shaping your own little bubble with a great group of people (i.e. founders, employees, customers, suppliers and even investors) with your company as the centre.
Having taken these past few months off after shutting down Smove, I realise that I like being a ‘momentum creator’. Getting something off the ground that wasn’t there before and seeing it grow to a certain stage is something that I utterly enjoy.
But in order to keep the entrepreneurial bug alive I need to look after my personal, physical and mental wellbeing, and a big part of that are my relationships with my wife and kids.
I understand that for some that priority list might be frowned upon. I did hear from some VCs that they want their entrepreneurs to put the company above everything else (some might not explicitly say it, but it seems to be expected). I understand that rationale, but I’m not here to please VCs: I believe that view is unhealthy and unsustainable for an entrepreneur who wants to build a sustainable business with a healthy work/ life harmony (please note how I deliberately didn’t use work/ life balance).
So sharing my thoughts with entrepreneurs: going into this journey with the belief that you need to sacrifice everything might not be the most sustainable one. Running a company will take up a lot of your time, energy, physical and mental capacity. But forgetting the rest of your life around you might not be the best approach. The life around you is the one that will support you no matter how your company is doing.
